The Pope and the Vance

The Pope sat high upon his chair,
With golden rings and silver hair.
He looked at the world and he gave a small sigh,
"The rumors are swirling, oh me and oh my!"

Then in stepped a man with a beard and a grin,
With a couch in his arms and a plan to begin.
"I'm Vance!" cried the fellow, "The VP of Might!
I've come to make sure that your doctrine is right!"

"I've come from Ohio, a land of great corn,
Where policy thinkers like me are all born!
I've looked at your maps and I've looked at your laws,
And I've found quite a few of your papist-sized flaws!"

He pointed a finger, all covered in ink,
"Your stance on the sofa is making us blink!
We need more traditional, velvet-lined seats,
To keep all the families off of the streets!"

"It’s a policy couch!" Vance explained with a leap,
"For when the Republic is falling asleep!
We’ll sit and we’ll talk and we’ll ban every book,
Starting with ones where the heretics look!"

He dragged the big sofa right into the hall,
And leaned it quite precariously against the gold wall.
"A cathedral needs comfort!" he said with a wink,
"It helps all the Cardinals to stop and to think!"

The Cardinals scattered! They ran and they hid!
They didn't like Vances, no never they did!
They peeked from the pillars and shook with a chill,
As the couch-bearing stranger stood perfectly still.

"I'll sell you this davenport, slightly used too!
It's perfect for penance and praying for you!
It's woven from history, eyeliner, and grit,
It's the only place where a true leader should sit!"

But then from the rafters, a scream and a flap!
An eagle descended to finish the scrap!
It snatched up the sofa with talons of steel,
And gave the poor VP a terrible feel!

The Pope rang his bell and he called for his cat,
"I simply cannot have a meeting like that!
You can keep your big couch and your eyeliner too,
I have much more holy things waiting to do!"

He sat with his feline and sipped on some tea,
As happy as any old Pontiff could be.
The heretic's sofa was gone from the sight,
And the Vatican slept in the peace of the night.

So if you see Vances with eyeliner on,
Make sure that you tell them to quickly be gone!
For couches are meant for a sit and a nap,
Not for starting a silly geopolitical scrap!